The Red Flags of Love.

Updated: Oct 15, 2021

Since we've been talking about red flags all over social media, I felt like this topic was only suiting to address. Stay with me, it'll make sense as you read.


 


When Ashanti said "I thought by staying, trying to change you would be worth it babe,

But now I see that trying to change you only changed me," I felt that.


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I think that being in love is both beautiful and dangerous. It's a different level of vulnerability, letting someone see the many layers of you. Letting down your guards and trusting in your partner to hold you down. Realistically, you don't fully experience the depths of your relationship unless you allow yourself to fall. Unless you allow yourself to trip, stumble, walk, jog, run, into a space of openness with the person you are in love with. It's the fall for me.



It's BEAUTIFUL.

Love is Beautiful and Dangerous at the same time.

I think as women, once we allow ourselves to fall, we often fall hard.

We tend to ignore the red flags that presents itself in our relationship, because the good parts, feel good. We know that as women, we have the capability to mold and smooth out the cracks. There are things that you perceive to be "fixable" and things that are "tolerable".

It's important to know the difference and not confuse the two.

It's the construction site complex for me.

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Sometimes we don't recognize how deep the cracks are. How real things get when you are building a life with someone. I mean, when you are dating someone, you are also dating their experiences, their trauma, their perception of life.

It's Beautiful and Dangerous at the same time.

For this reason, it is so important to identify your non-negotiables. Understand how your lover perceives life and what their needs are. Do you fit that mold... honestly? It's important to know what you want in your relationship, how you want to feel and if that person truly matches those criterias. Now, people do change, it's called growth right? But are the red flags part of qualities that are at the core of your partner? How much work is that person willing to do? Are you willing to work with them, while working on you?

I mean, is this person willing to truly dig deep to heal?

It's the healing for me.


Your Healing is Beautiful, but if your partner isn't doing the work, the journey can be dangerous. You have to honor where you are and who you are. It is very easy to lose yourself to the person, and for the person, you love. LOVE YOURSELF MORE. What tends to happen in ignoring red flags, ignoring core qualities, ignoring trauma and experiences, ignoring "the work"...are toxic love stories. A combination of intense love and pain. Lots of pain. High-highs and dangerous-lows. Trying to change someone or creating false realities of your situation, will ultimately start to change you. Let's circle back to the construction site complex. You ever try to put something together that keeps falling apart ? Instead of reading the instruction manual, you feel like you got this ? You keep trying and then you finally give in and read the directions. You put in so much work, so there's no turning back at this point. I mean, don't let it break you while trying to build it sis.

Working through things is beautiful but can be dangerous at the same time.

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We all have things to work through, yes. It's how we navigate in those spaces. It's knowing who you are and understanding your needs. For me, Peace is one of them. I think we tend to forget that love doesn't have to be so hard. So I say all of that to say this: honor your core, honor your spirit, honor your timing, honor your needs. If you are dating or looking for your person, know your core and get to know theirs too. It'll also save you sometime if you fall with your eyes as open as your heart.

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Don't ignore them red flags sis.





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